September 29, 2010

bleh. blah. lalalala.

Went to see my therapist today and also went to the library finally.
My therapist and I talked about 'sluggish cognitive tempo' which is not officially recognized on paper but many therapists wish it was and she said....you have it with your ADHD. There's more info here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sluggish_cognitive_tempo
Anyone who's lived with me is going...yep....that's her lol :P

While at the library I got a library card for free since I am a resident, which is awesome.
I took out two books...A Buick 8 from SK and a small clinical book on personality disorders just to browse through. It has a lot in there about young infants and responses to borderline parents and how it skews the separation of child from mother, etc. Was very interesting.
I try not to let myself get too immersed in it all because it's better for my mood and frustration level, but reading some now and again I think is good to understand more. I realize I can go to the extreme with it and be researching for hours and get angry at how things have gone for me and then oops there's the depression etc. So now I watch it.
Not much else yesterday. Got more wallpaper off with the help of Jen and I tidied up the place a bit.
I did get to watch my friend Chad's cat go all animal planet postal because a dog came in the apartment we were in lol. He's a huge boy cat and he chased a German Shepard! Caused a bit of chaos with everyone sitting around on chairs with sodas and shit lol. WAY too funny. The poor dog was scared shitless and the cat was like..........where the fuck are YOU going I'm gonna kick yer ass.... :P
-M

Sept. 29, 2010

Went to the library today finally. Got a library card, for free, because I'm a resident.
I took out two books, A Buick 8 from SK and Personality Disorders, just to browse through, which I've already done.
It has a lot in there about young infants and responses to borderline mothers. Was interesting stuff. I don't read that much on it, just from time to time, because it can depress me that all things things came together to screw me up so much. Just makes me wonder how much would be different, that's all.
-M

At The Library

Writing this while stopping off at the library. Was going to go to JP's house today but doing it tomorrow after my therapist was able to get me in short notice after....*ahem*...someone overslept....

Things are going really well. Looking forward to Dad & Grandma L. coming down. I'm already excited about it! Dad got me another bag of the Mount Maru coffee I love so much. He's also bringing...my puter! (woot!) They are going to stay at one of the hotels here in town, since I sure don't have the room at my place. I know we wanna drag JP out to eat with us at least once while they are here. Should be really nice. Still crossing fingers if Mike can come or not.

Meds are great. Only get little bits of paranoia here and there. Anxiety in general though, is low. My only real worry is how much I'm making at work, to make sure I don't go over the cap for Medicaid or I'll be on a spend down. Figuring the Adderall XR script cost over $300/month for me if I didn't have it...and that's only one prescription... yep need the Medicaid!

I love the new med. It sorta feels like clearing fog from my brain...things are sharper and more in tune, I notice more things, I remember what I need to better, not confused as often. It's going really well.

When I go by JP tomorrow, I'll put up a few posts I wrote down to put in here :)

Love ya,
M

September 28, 2010

blogging tomorrow

Will be at JP's tomorrow, so i will catch up on blog and hang with JP! :D
-M

September 26, 2010

at work

on a break. got it done early but staying til 11. not losing any pay cuz i'm fast lol. hope u all are well! miss being online! miss reading blogs too.
have a doc appt. tues. i am recommending staying on adderall...works just how i need it.
with all my walking, mopping and lifting at work i've lost a good amount of weight...my tight jeans are getting baggy! yay! :D
-M

Heya

Things are going good. I'm training the new kid at work on floors. He's just a kid, 18, so we tease him a lot for it. He has good humour so he takes it very well and fits in good. Had a good laugh though cuz he totally missed a section of hallway and had to go mop it after starting buffing....whoops!

;)
-M

test

seeing if this works out through the phone.... gives me more room than by text.
things all going well, new med great, job great too.
-m

Sept. 26, 2010

Things are going well. I'm training a new guy, Mike, at work. We tease him because he's only 18, but he's nice and fits in well with us.
Things are going well, my new med, Adderall, is great. It helps me focus and keeps me motivated and not crave food all the time. My only issue is I give too many away, so I need to keep strict on it from now on.
Things are going good! I get paid soon, buying a futon or couch for my place!
-M

September 23, 2010

Sept. 23, 2010

Today JB and I took the Oats bus to Walmart so I could fill my scripts as I was out of almost all of them. I wish they could time things better but today was the first time it was all done at once.
I had filled.... Tegretol, Abilify, Celexa, Lamictal and Trazadone. I won't get my Adderall refill until I see my doc on the 28th. I am going to let him know it works better than the Ritalin and the Strattera did. I'm so much more alert and focused on it. Right now I have none in me and I can tell the difference. I feel foggy, slow, unmotivated.... how I always have really. Meds showed me it didn't have to be that way though.
I have to be very strict with myself, as I gave a few away last time... gotta look out for me though so I don't run out early.
We also went to the thrift store and I found an outfit I really liked that was more in that hippy style with the looser sleeves with ribbons, etc.
Also stopped at the post office to mail Grandma's letter and Mike's present and card. Was much cheaper than I thought it would be!
-M

September 22, 2010

September 22, 2010

Bustin my ass at work tonight. I feel bad I cant at least sweep the floors upstairs but it's just not possible when it takes like 30 mins to do and you have to keep the laundry moving along.
They hired a new guy named Mike. Havent met him yet but he's supposed to be very nice. I get to train him on floors next week. Because they hired him now I can reduce hours and stay under that Medicaid cap.
-M

September 20, 2010

Hiya :)

Been so long....I've missed my blog!!

I totally forgot to bring my written journal with so I can't do back posts right now like I wanted. I'll just write a bit about what I remember instead.

So I finally moved out. I was very excited about this, for myself as well as Jess and Zak. The longer I stayed at their place, the more worried I was getting that it would ruin Jess and I's friendship. I wasn't like dragging people over and being obnoxious or anything like that and I was doing most the dishes and things, it's just when a couple gets their first apartment they need their own time, and space, you know? So this weighed on my shoulders a lot and I felt like my hands were tied. I could have tried harder for a job, I know I could have, but my social anxiety had me pretty much by the neck and made that very hard, and was pretty much crossing into agoraphobia for a while.

I was thrilled to find a cheap place to live and a job almost simultaneously. Was wonderful!! Jess was such a great help about moving me there. We managed to get everything into the car in one trip, even the dresser.

It was a little boring in my place at first, since I had no radio, tv or .net, but I already knew a few people in the building so I ended up doing the rounds saying hi etc. Only big thing that sucks is that everyone except one other girl, smokes cigs.... so I come back reeking now that I smell it so much more than when I was a smoker :( Good thing though is I can hang out with those who smoke without wanting to smoke myself. It's fun there with knowing so many people, there is always something going on, good or bad. I've helped a person move in, I've helped knock on doors when they were spraying apartments, I helped a friend clean hers up for a housing inspection, etc. It's just more...busy, lively? Never really a dull moment lol.

The job is going really well. I got complimented on how my floors look and how I bust my ass to mop every hall, dining area, nurse area, etc. every night and average buffing three halls a night. I love it because it's like exercise to me. Being paid to exercise! Four hours of mopping and sweeping. It's a total cardio workout :D Nights I do laundry can be a great workout as well, lifting loads up the stairs etc.

My spirits have been very high. My med combo is working so well it's amazing. I'm just not worrying and stressing and it seems to help everything else. I'm just about off Strattera now. It's turned out to be just as ugly coming off it as it was going on it. I was SO sick at work when it kicked in. I finished my shift but stayed home the next day. Would not be good to have a fall risk person at work! I was trembling, dizzy, nauseous, had a migraine and my stomach was just awful. In the end I was temporarily put back on it and dropped doses more and I'll be off it soon.

My new med, is amazing. My doc put me on Adderall just to see if it would get that part of the brain going that deals with concentration and focus. I was excited for something new but not getting my hopes up until I saw results. Well. There are results. I can focus a lot better...like being in a fog and then it's lifted. I hear more of what people say now so I can respond without having to ask for it to be repeated. It is noticeable for me at work, when having to remember things and find a person's name on a list etc. So it's really good :D

Dad and Grandma L. are coming for a visit next month! :D How exciting!! I miss the family SO damned much! Will be great to see them. I think my brother is looking at his work schedule as well, not sure if he'll get off or not. Would be wonderful as well!

I'll end this here for now. I'll probably do those two line posts from the phone when things happen like painting etc. When I can I'll get properly online. I've went through my friends blogs, and facebook and my email, etc. So now I'm at least temporarily caught up :)

-M

September 18, 2010

From phone:
Taking the wallpaper off the walls, pulling nails, preparing the apt. for primer...Fun stuff!
-M

September 15, 2010

Phone text:
Things are going well. I will get to post some real posts on Monday morning. Also gonna hang out with JP! Miss her! Miss TT too! Love ya!
-M

September 9, 2010

Friday, September 9, 2010

Trying to write.... my friend's cat Tinkerbell, is in heat for the first time, poor cat. It must be like the worst period from hell....EVER. She hasn't been super loud when we are around...but leave her alone in the apartment and holy cow! Can hear her all the way down the hall!!
She's crawling all over me while I write this....like... pet me PET ME....even headbutting my face lol.
Things are going well, I really like the job, as well as the people there. I'm training on floors right now, well sorta. Training was done with for laundry days ago, but they forgot about training on floors. Sooooo we are sort of winging it. Daniel my trainer is actually working laundry and just coming up and going....here's the mop, go that way lol, etc.
I did ask them to keep an eye on my hours, so i don't go over my medicaid limit. They were really good about it and all. I don't want to always worry about how close I am.
-M

September 7, 2010

Hiya :D

Over at JP's for a bit while I wait to get my paycheck at 2:00pm. How is everyone???

I'm doing really good. I love the job, although I had that little mishap where I melted some bed pads.....ooopsies.... but other than that it's going well. I can however, see very clearly where my ADHD still causes problems. Daydreaming and mindwandering, focus/concentration and memory. The ability to see something I have to remember, then do something, then remember that item, is close to nonexistent for me. Or when I see a list and am looking for say, a specific name, I keep looking right past it. When I go in on the 13th, it will be a huge topic of conversation.

Going today to get my check, cash it and then head to Walmart. On the list for this time around is a vacuum cleaner, a foreman grill, a shower curtain and cleaning supplies. Also want to get ma a card, as she broke her leg a few weeks ago (though i just found out thanks to her friend julie...typical mom). Thanks to JP, I don't have to spend an hour walking to work and back and another twenty to the bank and back and at least 40 mins both ways to Walmart. ;)

Funny we both did makeup and all today lol. Must be the day for it.

You should see her Elton wall.....it's SO cool!

Not much else to write other than I love living on my own again and love the job and all is well. Miss getting online but at the same time it's nice to be doing other stuff.
-M

September 5, 2010

From Phone:
Things are going good. I trimmed nails of friend's kitties and also put on their first flea collars...That was funny! They did not like! Haha.
-M

Sunday, September 5th, 2010

Had a nice day today. Got up and had coffee with Jen and watched the news. I ended up walking to the Dollar Store. I walked on the phone with Margie, which was great being able to catch up with her. Her condo STILL isn't finished and soon she's gonna work on it herself...COPD or not! So yeah....they need to get a move on.

At the store I went right for the calamine lotion, cordosone ten and benadryl. Gonne try to get rid of this crap I have on me that I'm pickin up from Jen's place. So far, seen NONE in mine which is great. I've taken to vacuuming the baseboards and all. Also snagged some flea collars for friends since they were like two bucks a piece.

When I got back and put my stuff away, I went over to see the kitties. What a riot it was getting the collar on Hercules! First he was purring...then he was like wait a minute...then, what is happening!....then more like I DO NOT LIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol it was really amusing!

-M

September 3, 2010

Saturday, Sept. 3rd, 2010

Sitting at work while laundry spins. I love this job. It's easy, low stress and in between I can do other things. It looks like I work sat, sun and mon then have a couple days off - woot.

I'm having fun in my new place. OMG so much I can do in here :D

I'm trying to combat the little "bug" issue...very frustrating.

-M

September 2, 2010

My bags are packed, I'm ready to go...

Yay! It's moving in day! I'm very excited! :D

Sitting here having a coffee after a great Yahoo chat with Tracey. I'm going to probably dish out the ten dollars on Friday to be a library member, since it's like, SO close to my place lol. Then I can go in the am and jump on the .net there....as well as JP said I can come visit when I want (gotta let her know first so she isn't like swinging from the lights or anything....cripes!). Thanks JP :)

JP's ma is bring a little care package for me, with things like blankets and towels and a coffee pot, etc. yay!

Still missing dishes, a shower curtain and a few other things until Friday but I'll totally survive.

I'll be able to post status's on facebook and little blogs here but won't be able to check comments and things on the phone.

I think that's it lol

Woot!

-M

September 1, 2010

Stupid Facebook @!$#%

Won't let me upload a pic. Oh well you get to see it here instead :)


I packed pretty much everything up except what I need to use in the morning and food stuffs. Getting very excited. I know there won't be much at all in there for a few weeks but it's okay, I can deal with that.

Just that it's mine....all mine...I could run around in a bra singing horribly while cleaning if I feel like it lol.

:D

-M

Tracey will love this....

You go to this site: http://shelflifeadvice.com/
And you type in a food in the little box on the left, hit the little arrow and off you go.
You can find out how good foods are good for.

I was just reading an article on how families toss like $600 a year in food that is still good. Most go by the date on the carton or whatever and many times that is just when it has to be out of the store or it's a safe date but the product is fine longer than it.

The site itself is pretty interesting!

-M