January 2, 2014

Well it's been forever and ever since I've posted....

I completely blame Instagram for this... I'm on there more than anywhere else online these days!

The last time I posted was November 9th. Wow. Just wow!

Not a ton has happened since then. I went through my annual fall/early winter depression for a few months. I was down to around 128 pounds and then gained while in my seasonal slump. Went up to around 134. Could have been SO much worse really. It's kind of an ugly thing to take someone who is already Bipolar I and throw a dose of seasonal depression in the mix. Basically you get months of sleeping, overeating, chain smoking, self loathing, crying, the world sucks and I'll just hide inside until it's over... basically it's pretty shitty. As fast as it hits though, eventually, it just lifts. It did so about three weeks ago. Right in time for my birthday and for me to get a raging head cold...go figure ;)

I've been on track again for close to two weeks. Already back to 130 and falling, so I'm not too upset at all. In the last two weeks I've gained some muscle back that I lost and it seems to be building very fast. I do eat a lot of protein and lift ten pounders in each hand very easily now (probably too easily). I think Tracey was spot on when she said that muscle memory might be playing a factor too, as I was on a strict work out schedule all spring and summer. Whatever the reasons, it's going well. Already starting to see a bit of it coming back in my arms....

And yep, that is one of my favorite workout shirts at the moment. It's the FTW Revolution Memorial shirt. Pretty sure they are sold out now, but I managed to snag one before they were gone. All they had left were smalls, I thought for sure it wouldn't fit, but amazingly it does! I guess I still get unsure as to what will fit and what won't. At times it's like my brain thinks I'm still almost 180 pounds instead of 130. It's weird....

Been trying to keep very busy with working out, cooking and meal prepping, housework and projects, etc. The reason? I smoked my last cigarette on my 35th birthday (Dec. 21). I know the biggest battle is within my own head and to keep my OCD from obsessing non stop about it, I find things to do. I have to. I've smoked since I was a teen and smoked a good pack + per day since I was 19 or so. And menthol at that. So far it's going fabulous, better than I expected by a mile! Maybe it's just time. I'm terrified of getting COPD or lung cancer like my grandfather died from. I'm hoping with healthy eating and exercise, over time, that risk will lessen a bit. I hope.

I'll end with a collage of my weight loss over the last year. Never in a million years did I think I could gather enough determination and discipline to lose fifty pounds. It's honestly the hardest I've ever worked at anything. Ever. For once, I'm truly truly proud of myself. :)

My goals for 2014 fitness wise? Trim more body fat, build up muscle (yes, I really want to be a chick with a six pack!), build my endurance (and breathing for cardio), work on flexibility, be able to do twenty pull ups by summer (and a muscle up thanks to Dean Gladstone), to be able to do a handstand and a back walkover by fall and my ultimate goal... slowly jog the length of Bondi Beach with Tracey in 2015 (1 full kilometer of sand!).

Lots to work on. Lots to keep me busy though too. Keeps me out of trouble ;)
Hope everyone is well!
-Misty M.