Things are going okay today, med adjustments have helped. I had an appointment with both DK and my therapist yesterday. As usual I was nervous to go in, but I've been trying to put things in perspective and relax, the best I can anyhow. I always blow things up in my mind and think of the worst possible scenario and that's how I get so worked up. Still trying to get the deep breathing down, I'm terrible at it, but I'm trying very hard and that's what counts.
I was supposed to see DK first, but I think he was still doing rounds at the hospital, so I saw my therapist first. I think it was a good thing, it gave me time to settle down. Sometimes the hardest part for me is to just walk in the door. She was really helpful, I am not a fan of individual therapy sessions yet it's easier to talk to Vicki than to a group. I can only handle trusting a couple people enough to really talk to, I can't just start talking about this stuff to random people. My trust issues are huge in that regard and always have been. I'm so used to saying nothing at all but I suffer so much because of it. It's like one version of suffering vs. another. I know therapy and talking honestly are good, but it's so hard it feels painful. Maybe it's because I've closed up for so long?
Anyway, we talked a lot about my frustrations of not being able to do much of anything. Working out, eating healthy, my crazy mess of an apartment, going through mail, projects I start and don't finish.... She said I need to pick two important things to focus on. I picked my kitchen and exercise. She made a plan with me to start with just one thing. I picked the sink. She wants me to focus on that one thing with all my concentration instead of looking at all there is to do and getting overwhelmed. I haven't done it yet, but am going to do it today. Just one thing, just the sink. I did do weights when I got up this morning and went for an early morning walk, really happy with myself that I did that!
My visit with DK went really good. I think I now prefer to see him in the morning, he seemed in a much better mood. I've been using that Optimism app for over a month now, entering my mood, sleep, etc. It only takes about a minute to do, which is the only reason I do it every day. It's quick. It pops up a reminder every morning to put in how I was the day before. It can plot a graph showing your mood, etc. for the entire time you've used it, which can be printed. I printed it and took it with me. Both my therapist and DK found it interesting. They both want me to keep using it to see how things change as the meds are adjusted.
I made a list of the things I'm struggling the most with, because I always go in and then forget almost everything I want to say. It was so much easier to just hand it to him, like here ya go! ;) Once my medical coverage is all straightened out he wants to put me on Strattera. He's wanted to for a while, but it's still under patent so without coverage it's insanely expensive. He increased my Gabapentin from 300mg twice a day to 400mg three times a day. He also added Ambien because I haven't had a real night sleep in some time now. We all agreed I need to get sound sleep, because that can affect everything.
I got to the pharmacy with enough time to get all three doses of the Gabapentin in for the day. By the end of the day I was pretty loopy and happy :p Anxiety dropped down some too.