November 29, 2015

Drinking And Thinking...

I have had a relaxing day today. I'm finally watching Lost on Netflix, it's nice that I can watch the entire series. I'm still in the first season but so far it's very good. Along with that I've been drinking some of that Mike's Harder Lemonade. Just to unwind and have a nice evening. I have to say, I miss the days of "smoking". I would rather do that than drink. But I've managed to go over six  months without the smoke so I'd rather just have a beer or wine once in a while. It took a lot for me to get rid of doing what I was doing, so I don't want to go back to it.
Thinking a lot, as I have an appointment with my psychologist Tuesday, Doc G. I like to prepare for his visits and know what I want to bring up. I've been zeroing in on my social and generalized anxieties. They cause a lot of emotional stress as well as physical. I've been kinda trapped in the house for about four days now. I would like to get up early and go take a walk, just to get outside for a few minutes. In the morning it's quieter so I don't have to deal with people and traffic as much.
My mood has been very stable for the last six months or more. I think that is a new record for me. Right now my med combination is as follows.............
For whatever reason, this combo works for  me right now. I've been calmer and happier and not so depressed and freaked out. I still have the anxiety but it's not into paranoia right now, which is so nice. Paranoia is the worst. No matter how much I try, I can't tell myself I'm just being paranoid, it's too convincing for that. It feels so real. It is pretty nice to have a break from it.
I get little bits of bad thoughts, but nothing like I was. It's more....toned down? I just don't have the bad thoughts as bad as I was getting. With that, I can work on my thought process more, especially when out of apartment. I try to believe it can get better. It's such a long, slow road, but I have had success bit by bit and I have to remember it could take a long time. I didn't get sick in one day, I won't get better in a day either.
<3 p="">-M

November 25, 2015


Enjoying my pre- turkey day by having a bottle of Jacob's Creek wine. I drank it in Australia and rather like it. I got a Chardonnay but I think I'll pick up a bottle of red for our Turkey day which for my building will be on Friday. I like Chardy but my taste seems to be changing from the tangy to something else. Reds sound good!
Having some really deep discussions with an Aussie friend of mine about religious and ethnic racism, we are both very liberal and we realize most are good, not based on any group. <3 p="">-M

November 11, 2015

Anxiety And A Funeral

So I went to Illinois last week. My lovely Aunt passed away suddenly from cancer. It was a pretty big blow to the family and for me it was rather surreal. I noticed the difference at my grandmother's house immediately. It was... quieter, not quite as full of loud laughter and antics. I didn't realize how much she brightened up a room until she wasn't there anymore.
I think I did really well. The wake and service was packed. She worked for the State Of Illinois in the House Of Representatives and later as Head Of Communications at the Comptroller. She knew so so many people. I dealt with my social anxiety well. I did tunnel vision some but I never left the funeral home, I stayed through all of it. I am quite happy I did. Another Aunt of mine congratulated me on how well I did handle it and that just affirmed it for me. It felt pretty good.
Right now I'm staying on task doing Christmas cards so I can send them the 1st of December. I have 18 going overseas so I want to make sure they get there in a timely manner.
Having a little drink tonight as I watch American Dad and build/decorate boat houses on the Sims 3 lol. It relaxes me :)
(fall colors at my grandmother's house)